A child who is reluctant to join a game may be worried about being watched, compared or getting an instruction wrong. A choice-based activity offers a different starting point: the child helps decide what to try and when to change it. The purpose is not to promise that one game will improve self-esteem, but to create opportunities for autonomy, participation and small successes.
Offer meaningful choices, not endless options
Start with two or three activities that are genuinely available: roll a soft ball, follow a short floor path, or copy a partner’s movements. Show pictures if useful. Ask, Which would you like to try first? rather than Can you do this? A child may also choose to observe before joining.
Four practical movement challenges
1. Pick the starting level
Set up a soft target at two distances. The child chooses where to begin and may move it at any time. The aim is to find a satisfying challenge, not to progress automatically to the farthest mark.
2. Design a personal sequence
Invite the child to choose two movements: for example, reach up and then step sideways. They can repeat the sequence, change its order or demonstrate it to a partner. Seated and wheeled versions are equally valid.
3. Change the rules together
Ask what would make a game easier to join: fewer turns, more time, a quieter space, a bigger ball or playing with one trusted partner. Implement the child’s suggestion when safe. This shows that rules can be adjusted to include people rather than exclude them.
4. Notice one specific achievement
At the end, invite the child to complete a sentence such as I tried…, I enjoyed… or Next time I might…. Speaking is optional; a child can point, draw or select a card. Adults can describe what they observed without comparing children: You chose a new route and explained it clearly.
What if a child declines?
Respect a refusal and offer a low-pressure way to stay connected, such as holding the activity cards, watching from nearby or joining later. Do not make participation conditional on praise or rewards. Children have different energy levels, communication preferences and experiences of group play.
Keep confidence-building claims realistic
Enjoyable activity can provide opportunities for practice and social connection, but confidence develops in different ways for different children. The NHS physical activity guidance encourages varied, age-appropriate activity; it does not prescribe a particular game as a treatment for low confidence.
For related reading, explore our guide to praising effort during play and six seated movement games. Both can be used to offer options without turning activity into a competition.
Quick checklist for adults
- Offer two realistic activity choices.
- Let the child choose the starting level.
- Accept watching or pausing as valid choices.
- Describe effort specifically without comparing children.
- Ask what the child wants to try next time.
