“I hate PE” can mean many different things. A teenager may dislike being picked last, changing in front of others, a particular activity, noisy facilities, pressure to compete or the feeling that everyone is watching. They may also have a disability, an injury or a personal reason they do not want to discuss publicly.
The useful starting question is not “How do we make them try harder?” It is “Which part of this experience is difficult, and what would make movement feel more comfortable and worthwhile?”
First, find out what the problem actually is
Choose a private, unhurried moment and ask one open question. Listen before proposing solutions. A teenager may be comfortable walking with friends but unhappy about competitive team games. Another may enjoy football outside school yet struggle with the changing room or unclear instructions.
Do not assume low motivation is the only explanation. Avoid making comments about weight, appearance or fitness in front of peers. If the issue involves bullying, unsafe behaviour or discrimination, follow school safeguarding and support procedures.
Seven ways to support a reluctant teenager
1. Offer activity choice rather than one ideal sport
Movement can include walking, dancing, cycling, swimming, gardening, fitness activities or informal games. Ask what the teenager might actually choose. It is fine if the first answer is “I don’t know”; offer a few low-pressure examples.
2. Remove unnecessary public comparisons
Fitness tests, leaderboards and being selected last can make participation uncomfortable. Where appropriate, teachers can assess effort, skills and learning without publicly ranking pupils. At home, avoid comparing siblings or friends.
3. Make the start predictable
Some pupils find unfamiliar instructions or sudden rule changes difficult. Preview the lesson structure, explain the first activity and demonstrate the options. Written or visual steps can help teenagers who prefer to process information before joining in.
4. Provide a quieter entry route
A pupil might begin with a partner task, a smaller group or a suitable individual activity before joining a larger session. This is not about excluding them; it is about creating a workable route into participation.
5. Respect privacy and individual needs
If changing facilities, clothing, menstruation, a health condition or sensory discomfort are barriers, discuss appropriate adjustments privately with relevant school staff. Follow the school’s safeguarding arrangements. Do not expect a young person to explain a sensitive issue to classmates.
6. Notice progress other than speed
Progress might mean attending regularly, trying a new movement, learning a rule, asking for an adaptation or feeling comfortable enough to join a group. Ask what the teenager considers a success instead of relying solely on scores.
7. Let young people shape the options
Invite pupils to suggest warm-ups, activities, equipment or ways of making teams fairer. Even a short anonymous feedback question can highlight barriers adults have not noticed. Youth Sport Trust’s 2025 impact report includes examples of pupil voice being used to improve inclusive PE.
What can parents do without arguing about exercise?
- Ask: “Is it the activity, the people, the room or something else?”
- Offer: a walk or other small activity together with the option to decline.
- Model: enjoyable movement without treating exercise as punishment or compensation for eating.
- Work with school: request a private conversation about reasonable adjustments if PE remains difficult.
- Listen: if the teenager describes pain, bullying or feeling unsafe, address that issue rather than insisting they push through.
A practical conversation with school
Instead of asking immediately for a pupil to skip PE, describe the specific barrier and one possible adjustment. For example: “The changing-room noise is difficult; could we agree on a calmer transition?” Or: “They are comfortable joining partner games but find whole-class competition distressing; what participation options are available?”
Schools have responsibilities to include disabled pupils and consider appropriate adjustments. The Department for Education’s Inclusion 2028 programme reflects efforts to improve access to PE and school sport for pupils with SEND. Individual arrangements must still fit the pupil, school policies and safeguarding requirements.
Make an adjustment plan with your teenager
- Ask them to identify one specific barrier privately.
- Agree on a practical change to discuss with the school, such as a predictable warm-up or a different group arrangement.
- Arrange a suitable trial in line with school policies and supervision.
- Review with the teenager after a few lessons: did the change help, and what should be different?
Plans should not be imposed without considering the young person’s views. If the barrier involves bullying or a safeguarding issue, address that through the appropriate school process.
Does all activity have to happen in PE?
No. The NHS recommends that children and young people aged 5–18 aim for an average of at least 60 minutes of moderate or vigorous activity each day across the week, with tailored guidance for disabled young people. Activities outside school can contribute. This does not remove schools’ responsibilities for PE or mean every teenager should meet the same targets in exactly the same way.
Frequently asked questions
Should I force my teenager to join a sports club?
Pressure can make the experience more difficult. Discuss interests, practical barriers and optional trial activities, while respecting their views.
What if they enjoy being active outside school but dislike PE?
That is useful information. Ask which features of PE differ from the activities they enjoy and work with the school on specific barriers.
When should we seek extra help?
If there is bullying, repeated distress, injury, pain or another health concern, speak with relevant school staff or a health professional as appropriate.
Further reading: Our first sports-club confidence plan and sensory-friendly PE checklist offer related practical ideas.
General educational guidance, not a clinical assessment or a substitute for individual school safeguarding and support procedures.
